I am in love with food. There isn't much that I won't eat. I eat when I am stressed or depressed and I eat when I am happy and content. It's been an ongoing battle for me since I was just a little girl.
Most of my adult life I have been overweight and lately I am at my most unhealthy. I'm actually pretty scared about it. Things are happening to me that prove to me just how bad it is.
Last week I went for a walk with Rusty in the park and the next morning I was in so much pain. I thought I had fractured my foot. X-ray showed only inflammed and swollen tissue.
This week I am battling the edema in my legs. The pitting is gross. I am very sensitive to sodium. I'm also just feeling really tired and sick to my stomach.
I know what I need to do. I used to have a personal trainer. It's just getting started. I just really have No desire to do anything. I get home from work and I just want to sleep.The insanity has to stop!
I know that a lot of my issues are my depression. It is constantly in control of my thoughts, actions and behaviors. I thought I had finally found something that worked but the insurance rejected the prescription and I can't afford paying over $100 per month to continue on them. I hope that going back to what I was taking before won't set me back any. I have been feeling better the last couple of weeks.
This is definitely something I should be giving to God. I know that he is in control and will guide me through but it's so hard letting go.
Please pray that I will find my strength in God and will overcome all of this. It is much appreciated.
Here are the the lyrics to a song that we sang at church Sunday and I truly believe He is my Healer.
You hold my every moment.
You calm my raging seas.
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease.
I trust in You.
I trust in You.
I believe You're my Healer.
I believe You are all I need.
I believe You're my Portion.
I believe You're more than enough for me.
Jesus You're all I need.
Nothing is impossible for You. Nothing is impossible for You. Nothing is impossible for You.
You hold my world in Your hands
Cat, You are beautiful and strong and definitely not alone. I feel very much like you describe, every day. Don't lose hope or faith. Talk to your doctor about appealing to the insurance company or see if he has free samples. Many drug companies offer help as well... I love you.
ReplyDeleteJen